I'm not sure what prompted me to come over to this site. I'm not sure what motivated me to log in and start to clean and organize things.
I think a lot has to do with that fact that my life finally settled down to something manageable. I feel as though I can actually begin to create once more.
I'm going to slowly begin rebuilding this page. I'm going to start getting back into the swing of things and with any luck, I'll have all my artwork and such on here within a few months.
i'm done hiding and jumping around. There was a reason that I cam here. A lot of it was the pleasure of anonymity among the masses whilst still being able to share my creations.
My artwork has slowed down over the years as I have attempted to create a decent life for myself. I'm sure there are at least one or two of you who wonder what the hell happened. Well, I'll tell you...
A lot.
2011 to 2013 I found myself in what I had believed would be a lifetime relationship. He was a wonderful man who cared about me. A person who I could talk to and would give me reasonable advice and honest feelings. He supported me desire to create and all my crazy intentions. Sadly, that turned out to be a disaster that was perpetuated by rose colored glasses. A woman came along who believed that she should have him and went onward to create the most destructive and misery inducing 2 years of my life. I finally broke down when I found out she had gotten him hooked on hard drugs. I was desperate for a way out when I realized I would never be happy if we were to stay together.
So I took a job working for Larry Dixon and Mercedes Lackey (yes the author) who happened to run a Raptor Rehab. It was a good place to be. In the country away from the city and state that I had lived in, and I was able to center myself and find out where I should be and reflect upon what happened. 2014 was an interesting year. From an owl that I had to sing Frank Sinatra to in order to keep her from attacking me, to waking up at 3 in the morning to the sound of peacocks crying (which sound nightmarish), it was an intense and necessary experience. As the year went by I realized that, while I enjoyed it there, I did not belong. I loved every person there who had been so kind to me and will be eternally grateful.
A friend and I were talking, and he offered me a place to stay. He knew that I would be moving out there with little and no job, and he was understanding.
I've been here ever since. There are good and bad times. There are ups and downs. I finally started dating casually, and almost a year ago now I met a kind and loyal man. We are dating, and both of us have been through enough in our life that we do not feel a need to rush, but we both know we're in it for the long haul, each ready to settle down and have companionship. He lives in another state, but we see each other regularly and so things are well.
I work in television now as a Master Control Operator. A job that I had once before back in 2011. I never really wanted to leave the job in the first place, but I was young and wanted to try and make an attempt at making it in the world. I feel like I never should have left the job. I have always had a love for working in media and, truth be told, at one time wanted to be a movie star. Those dreams are long behind me, but I am happy and enjoy what I do.
I traveled and went to conventions. I started up events. I've made friends and enemies. I've come to accept who I am. While the last few years have occasionally been difficult and trying, I do not regret anything. I have learned so much, seen and experienced so many things, and I have no desire to regret anything that has happened.
I want to breathe life back into this page. I want to started regularly using this site. I know that since I've left that A LOT has changed. I know that there are many more people on here, that the site has changed, and that things are evolving. That's to be expected.
Well, I'm back, and I look forward to meeting everyone again.
Cheers!
Pan